In the beginning of my pregnancy, I experienced some spotting quite early. This was my first child so I immediately panicked and rushed myself to the ER. There they did blood work and the normal work up, I was told my cervix are open and I’m going to miscarry. I left absolutely devastated, the next day I go for my ultrasound where they found a strong and healthy heart beat and baby (of course).
I then continued on, receiving prenatal care from my GP until about 27ish weeks then I was sent on to the OB. My first appointment was terrible, the OB body shamed me, stated that if my BMI was to rise any higher I would not be able to deliver in this hospital and that I need to watch what I eat. I left the office in absolute hysterics. No one, especially an expecting mother deserves to have their self-esteem diminished like that. My body was already going through enough, and I was also diagnosed with prenatal depression on top of that prior to this visit. The clinic load was shared between 2 OB’s so I was lucky enough that I did not see the one who insulted me till I was about to have my son. At my 37 week appointment she completely brushed me off, did not allow me to have my mom in the assessment room with me but others were allowed to bring their support people.
This is where things really take a turn.. at my last OB appointment they told me my blood pressure was on the rise and I was now at risk for preeclampsia. I was not at all surprised that I had high blood pressure simply because of how uneasy this health care professional made me feel. The high BP was monitored, before they sent me up to the floor for a NST they did a stretch and sweep. When I tell you this individual did it as rough and carelessly I mean it. I was screaming in agony and she asked me to quiet down so I don’t stress any other expecting mothers. I then go up to the floor, they do the NST. I get sent home, asked to come back the following Monday for another. I go in, they do the test and pretty much just tell me I’m going to be induced the next morning. I’m frantic at this point, I really wish I had’ve advocated more for myself and my son.
I go in the next morning, get admitted and hooked up to IVs. I’m so anxious and stressed to the point I am throwing up. The nurse I had was getting extremely irritated with me, sat in the corner charting didn’t offer me the tiniest bit of reassurance or compassion. I was terrified, 21 years old having my first baby and I’m being induced I have no idea what to expect. So they have me hooked up to Pitocin (oxytocin) at this point and I’m beside myself, all I wanted was my mother. They failed to tell me that if I registered her she could come visit. Anyways, by this time I’m on double concentrated pitocin, the max they can give. I haven’t been allowed up to walk around or anything. No way did they offer me any form of comfort and complete lack of empathy. The pitocin was not doing its job, nothing was happening. I was there for 6 hours and the only interventions they did for me was pitocin until they rush me back for an emergency c section. I was absolutely spiralling at this point, I could not calm myself down I just wanted someone to sit with me and talk to me through it. But I was just ignored. I know there are much worse stories than this but it has absolutely traumatized me and turned me away from ever having more children. Of course I’m happy my son and I are both healthy but the hurdles through postpartum depression and anxiety I have had to push through have been next to debilitating. The lack of remorse or care from my care team disgusts me.
It has taken me 15 months to be able to share my story. It takes a lot of strength to reflect on something that can be so traumatic and want to speak about it. My best advice is to never hold your emotions/thoughts/feelings in ever. The more you talk about it, the less daunting it is on your family, mental health and yourself.
Submitted anonymously
